Friday, May 6, 2011

Weight. Hmph. I don't like this topic very much, but I cannot escape it. It's a damn fixation in our society.
Nearly everyone I know is obsessed with it. At least four people at work are currently going to Weight Watchers, which means they sit around all day and talk about food. What foods they can eat, what foods take too many points away from their day. It always happens when I'm having a snack, too, which makes me feel weird and exposed, like some sort of carnival freak. Even though most of my snacks are fruit, or low fat yogurt, or a small handful of peanuts, or the like- healthy things. Another one of my friends is now on the wait list (what an unintentional pun that is) for bariatric surgery. It's completely inescapable.
Weight has dogged me my whole life. I come from a large people. No matter what I eat or don't eat, how much I do or do not exercise, I've never been able to get to a number that makes people back the fuck off. I've been heavy my whole life. And to tell you the truth, I generally don't care, except that people always harp on it. They don't generally point and laugh (although it has been known to happen from time to time), but they do unintentionally offend me sometimes while trying to be good natured. I eat mostly healthy foods, but I am not fanatical. I love candy so I eat it when I want it, not as much as I want to, as it should be. I swim three days a week. I stand up in my cubicle for at least 6 hours a day instead of sitting on my butt all the time. I am five years smoke free this month! I am generally taking steps to be a healthy person- and yet, people who don't know these things assume I'm a lazy over eater.
I spent all of my adolescence and quite a long time in my adulthood being convinced of that myself. I had the lowest self-esteem imaginable. People would tell me I was pretty and I actually thought they were lying to me for some reason. I have finally gotten to a point in my life where that is behind me, but I still find myself being self-conscious in the most mundane situations- at the ice cream parlor, in a restaurant, eating lunch at work- because I know that other people are making snap judgments. They can't believe it's possible to be healthy AND heavy.
So, yeah, not my favorite topic. I know that I chose to interpret it this way- but do you blame me?

3 comments:

  1. Something that helps me when I feel like I'm being judged is to remember my favorite artist, Andy Warhol. Whenever anyone criticized his work (and there was a lot of criticism) he just said, "So what?"

    Another thing that helps me is listening to the song by the legendary punk band, The Damned, "I Think I'm Wonderful!"

    Also, you know, anyone who is judging you by any aspect of your appearance is very superficial and dumb.

    The Damned: I Think I'm Wonderful Lyrics:

    Maybe It's cos' of the way that I dress

    They say I look out of place

    And my taste is a mess

    And there ain't

    No point in trying

    Cos' I know what they're dying to do

    Some stupid opinions

    on the way that I am

    They can look at me

    and I don't give a damn, damn, damn

    They got no sense of humour

    They only spread the rumour

    They say I'm just misguided

    I don't agree


    I think I'm wonderful

    I think I'm wonderful



    Sometimes I have a couple, over the eight

    When I go over the top

    Get in a hell of a state

    And there ain't

    No point in trying

    Cos' I know what they're dying to do

    Stick them, their feelings, what a way to behave

    You say I'm crazy but you can't look away

    It's just a noise they're making

    Whose got the time to take it?


    They think I'm nothing special

    I don't agree



    I think I'm wonderful

    I think I'm wonderful

    I think I'm wonderful

    I think I'm wonderful



    The one mistreated

    I won't be beaten

    I can't be beaten now

    And I'm mistrusted

    I won't be busted

    They call me bastard yeah



    I think I'm wonderful

    I think I'm wonderful

    I think I'm wonderful

    I think I'm wonderful



    Hey! hey! hey!........

    I know I'm wonderful

    I know I'm wonderful

    I get up in the morning, kiss the mirror

    Hello gorgeous

    Hey baby, you wanna have a good time?

    Allright!

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  2. My favourite Rupaul quote is, "What other people think of me is none of my business." I repeat that to myself in my head over and over and over when I need to! It helps!

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  3. That is a fantastic quote! There are many times I need to remind myself of that.

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